Kiss Off
by NoirSkye
Summary: Shepard and Garrus trying to define their relationship when Kaidan shows up on the Citadel.
1. Chapter 1

Kiss Off

"Shepard, stop before you make the wounds worse." Garrus stood there in all his magnificent goodness. Amazing how his alien form had become attractive to her. _It's a soul connection. _That's what she told everyone who questioned what she could possibly see in a turian. What caused the attraction? They never declared that they we a couple, officially. However, they were the worst kept secret on the Normandy.

"You really don't like people fussing over you." He said.

"I don't need it."

Shepard's new life was filled with new challenges. She was happy that her personal life wasn't one of those issues right now. She could see the monitor blinking from her bed. _Kelly confirming the meeting between her and the Alliance. Should she try to rebuild her ties with the alliance? A meeting she wanted to skip. Maybe she should allow Miranda to handle it. She wasn't in the mind set to face Kaidan right now._

"Still . . ." Garrus walked over to her on the bed vaccination in hand. "Let me do that." Garrus took the ointment out of Shepard's hand. The wound stopped bleeding. The medi-gel did its job. She hoped that he hadn't thought that he hurt her.

"Stop fighting me on this. I've taken my meds. I'm making sure you take yours."

Shepard relaxed back on the bed. She didn't wince in pain. The shot was over before she knew it. She shifted awkwardly on the bed causing the ointment to hit the floor. "I've taken care of myself since Mindoir. "

"Mindoir." Garrus finished her sentence.

Shepard opened her mouth to speak. The memories of that time were painful. She'd accomplished so much, but that frighten sixteen year old was still a part of her. The feeling of being helpless to stop the deaths of so many. Family blood or not. Having her survival gene kick in and carry her through the impossible. But it wasn't enough to save her family or her squad or Jenkins or Williams or . . .

His touch brought her back to the present. Since her rebirth, it was so easy for her to get lost in memories. He understood her loss and she his in an unspoken way. That caused her to pause. _But it isn't the same_. Shepard thought. _He still blames himself for the death of his team._

"How about I meet you later on the Citadel." He sat down on the bed near her. "We could pick out something together. A M-97. I'll have to make sure you get the right mods for it. I don't think you're ready to handle one with too much kick."

"Don't doubt me."

"Never." Garrus reached down pickingup the ointment Mordin gave her for the chaffing. She turned to face him spreading her legs as she had a couple of hours ago. He put his other glove on and smoothed Mordin's creation over the scratch marks he caused. A sigh of relief and pleasure escaped from deep within her.

"I get it. You just want me to dominate you again."

"Okay, so you won." Shepard smiled. "Maybe, I let you win the match."

"Don't think so Shepard. Not in hand-to-hand. You're good, but not better than me." Garrus leaned into Shepard. Their foreheads caressed melding. "I never thought it could be like this with a human . Hell, it's hard enough finding a suitable mate within my own race." Garrus lowered his head before locking eyes with Shepard again. "I never made a suitable match."

"Well, you're the perfect match for me." She placed tiny kisses all over his scars. She continued across his face until she came up to the visor." "Next time I take you down I'm removing the visor."

Garrus laughed. "Not likely." She loved his laugh. Garrus held her firm. "If something happened to you while we were . . . this way I'll notice any abnormal changes…

"We lead dangerous lives, Garrus. I treasure these moments alone with you. It's worth the risk to be with you."

"I feel the same way." He reached to touch her. Then stopped himself. "Do you know what Alenko wants?"

" No, I don't. He's coming on behalf of the Alliance. He's their liaison."


	2. Chapter 2

The spacious ambassador's office seemed confining. Kaidan and Shepard refused to sit. They kept their eyes focused on the door more that each other. The table between them was a reminder of the barrier halting what seemed to be such a promising relationship at the start.

"Come on Kaidan, tell me what's really happening. There's more to this incident and you know it." Shepard powered down her Omni-tool. It wasn't providing her with any useful information.

"I'd like too, Shepard. Really I would, but you no longer have clearance to received such sensitive. . ." Kaidan said looking at the datapad avoiding her gaze.

"So, I'm the enemy." She shook her head in unbelief. "Tell me what the Alliance expects from me so we can wrap up this meeting ASAP." Shepard knew if she hurried she might be able to catch Garrus before he left the Normandy to meet his contact on the Citadel. She didn't want him worrying all day about this meeting.

"You're not my enemy." He finally acknowledged her with a look.

"If the Alliance doesn't trust my motives, then why come to me at all?" Shepard shifted back and forth. "This can't be official. Why did they send you?"

"Admiral, thought I might have influence with you." Kaidan stared back down at the datapad. "Guess intel was wrong on that one. I volunteered to bring the offer to you."

Kaidan brought up a vid on the datapad. Too grainy to decipher what happened. "We can't get anyone down there to find out what's going on." " A Spectre can find out what we can't."

"Petition the Council and let them assign you a spectre to investigate the problem."

"Parasini asked for you specifically." He handed over the datapad to her.

Shepard scanned through the information. Noveria. A new company had taken root there within. No information on who the true owners were. A few ships carrying cargo to Noveria never made the trip home. Another well connected Asari's sister was onboard. Now missing. Recording of distress signal coming from the surface Noveria. Then in less than a day nothing. Only ship with cargo that made it out Batarian slaver ship "Interesting."

"You're not going to ask me to join you this time."

"No, why would I? . . .considering Horizon went so well." She shut down the datapad and tossed it onto the table. "Why didn't you come with us. When I asked Garrus to join me on a suicide mission," Shepard stepped back from Kaidan hugging herself. _Garrus smiled. . . I think he smiled. . . maybe I saw what I wanted to see. _She brought herself to finally look Kaidan in his gorgeous doe eyes. "Garrus told me it would be like old times."

"Kasumi mentioned that you and Garrus had gotten close."

_Was he fishing for information? Did he know about Garrus? Why would he come if he did?_

Shepard finally spoke. "Really?"

"Garrus has always been a action junkie"

"There's more to him." Shepard added. Kaidan's eyes hardened. Maybe she spoke up too soon.

"Really, a turian." Kaidan said. "He always seemed to be the 'Let's massacre everyone for the good of the galaxy type' ."

"Shut up Kaidan. You never took the time to really get to know him. "

"No, maybe not. I never had the desire to fuck a turian"

Shepard closed the gap between herself and Kaidan so quickly that he had to block her attack with his forearms.

"What are you doing?" He said restraining her the best he could.

Shepard shook herself loose from his grasp. "Forward what info is declassified to me. I'll review it and decided if this is something I want to get my team involved with." Shepard stormed towards the door as fast as she could in full armor. "This meeting is over." She said without looking back.

"There was a time when I was a vital member of your team."

Shepard halted mid-step. Her head told her to keep walking. But this was personal so she went back. "I recall inviting you to be a part of the team."

"I had responsibilities that I couldn't just abandon. Not even for you."

"You're a top-notch soldier, Alenko, but you blow varren poo as a boyfriend."

He stood there.

And laughed.

And it infuriated Shepard more.

"You do care." His stance soften however he still approached cautiously. "I'm here now."

"It no longer matters. I died, woke up and you rejected me. That night after Horizon, I wanted to die again."

"Not fair, Shepard"

"I sat night after night staring at a picture of you. I'd have a stiff drink. I'd ball up in a knot and cry my self to sleep after things got fuzzy enough. Waking up the next day to be the legendary commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel."

She found herself moving closer to him. Searching for a trace of the man who came to her that night before Ilos. Battles had changed them both. "You were so full of disgust that day. I was so relieved that you weren't taken by the Collectors. I fell into your arms thinking that working with Cerberus was worth it because it brought me back to you." She allowed him to hold her. No comfort was found in his embrace. _Was he always this stiff? _"You were so cold." She continued. "and I stood there unable to put a coherent sentence together.

"I tried to apologized for that in my email." Shepard shut him up with a kiss. A kiss to end the wondering. Kaidan was always an excellent kisser. Part of Shepard hope it would spark something more. But this was a kiss goodbye. Nothing more. _The woman who cared so much for you no longer exists._

"Okay, fine." Shepard contacted him back soon after his email. They continued the correspondence a few more times until she no longer saw the point. He had no intention of joining her team. She backed herself out of his arms. "But you weren't willing to die on a suicide mission with me."

"Stop this Shepard. You know I love you."

"Maybe, I want someone to love me enough to put me before duty. I need someone to take care of me for a change."

"And nothing says I kill to protect you until the day I die like a turian."

"Kaidan, I was in pain. One day, I came out of my daze long enough to realized that Garrus was in pain, too."

"Neither one of us has been faithful to the other"

_How ironic it is that she and Garrus first teamed up in Dr. Michel's office._ "I'm not as helpless as Dr. Mouse, but I need to be taken care of too. I feel loss. I have regret. I'm just a woman. If she's the kind of woman you'd turn to after I died, then I was never the woman for you."

"Chloe doesn't matter."

"Does she know that?"

"I'm still having a difficult time processing that you died and was reconstructed by terrorists."

"The illusive man respected me because I get the job done. Period. He didn't like my methods. He didn't like all my team members, but as long as he allowed me to do the job my way. The arrangement works. I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for Liara and Cerberus. You wouldn't be here now if my team hadn't showed up on Horizon that day."

"Is that why you are pushing me away?"

"Too many years have past. You moved on maybe I did too."

"You are not telling me that you love Garrus now."

She stared at him. Sucking cool air into her lungs and whispered. "Yes."

There it was said. What she needed to say. She could look at him any more. _Walk away Shepard. The balcony provided an escape. Hopefully, he would get the hint and leave._

"I'll forward what I can to Miranda." She felt Kaidan coming closer. But she was still shocked and jumped back into him when he put his arm knowingly around her waist.

His lips brushed softly against her earlobe as he spoke, "I'm not giving up on us, Shepard."


	3. Chapter 3

The datapad was still on the table. Kaidan left it. But for what purpose? She picked it up. She could read info on her Omni-tool, but had no hacking skills. Tali . Shepard smiled wondering how much trouble taking it would bring.

"Something wrong?" Garrus stood in the door. How much time had past.

"Did you see Kaidan?"

"Yes, but he didn't see me." Garrus said. "What happened in here?

"Nothing. That's not it. I kissed him."

"Did you . . ." Garrus grabbed Shepard's arm stronger than she would have liked. "Be straight with me. I'll . . . understand." He released his grip. "I won't like it. He doesn't deserve you. But, I'll be here for you Shepard. Always. No matter what."

"I. . .uh . . .told him . . ." Shepard wiped non existent sweat from her brow. " . . .I love you." She was terrified of rejection. _But what if this wasn't a long term relationship for Garrus. _She felt that this was more than a fling for him, but they never brought up love. Best she knew where she stood with Garrus considering what he meant to her.

Shepard knew she didn't want Kaidan back. But she cared for him. If Horizon proved anything it was that she didn't ever love him like this . She felt responsible for Kaidan more than anything. She never backed away from a fight in her life, but she put up no fight at all when he walked away from her. It only became clear to her today that she never loved Kaidan the way she thought she did.

Garrus pulled back from Shepard. His mandibles twitched. He started to clench and unclench his fist.

"You're mad." She took his hand in hers anyway. It calmed him momentarily.

"I wanted you to choose me." He barked.

"No," Shepard let go of his hand. Her feelings for Garrus had her starting to tear up, but she refused to cry. Shepard cupped his face bringing it closer to hers. " I told Kaidan that I love you."

"Oh . . .ohhhh…" Garrus awkwardly pressed his mouth to her lips. A kiss. Not quite. But a nice attempted. She then brought his forehead down to hers. It was calming and sexy. Her heart raced. She was glad Garrus couldn't see the goose bumps forming on her arms. She finally was able to let go. She made a choice and Garrus was the right one.

"Shepard!" Ambassador Udina's voice cut through their moment like a shotgun blast.

"I guess we just announced to the galaxy that we are together." Garrus said. He lifted his head to look at the ambassador.

"I don't know what this will mean. Udina doesn't sound happy for us."

"You don't have to know, Shepard. We will tackle what will come together."


End file.
